I Still Do

March 25, 2010

Visiting someone whose life is winding down

My husband’s daughter will be spending the next ten days visiting her father in his facility—she hasn’t seen him in over a year and I’ve tried to prepare her for his decline.  But I think she will be shocked, nevertheless, by the change.  I also think it will be difficult for her.

A woman I know has a grandmother who has Alzheimer’s and is apparently close to the end of her life.  The grandaughter, who is thirty, hasn’t seen her grandmother in many years and is afraid to see her now.

A man I know didn’t want to see his father as the cancer was destroying him—he wanted to remember his dad as he had been.

I just heard from a dear friend whose beloved grandmother  died yesterday—he lives in Europe and she was in the United States.  He flew home when she was moved into hospice.  He only returned back to Europe when she seemed to be improving.  He’s back in the States for the funeral, exhausted, but glad he was with her at the end of her life.

My father died at 98 and I was with him at the end of his life.  In the last weeks or so before his death, he began to look like a man who was dying.  But he was also beautiful in his death, and his dying was relatively easy.

We each respond differently to end of life—there’s no right or wrong, but there are choices that are right and wrong for given individuals and given families.  And I hope that the choices are made with thought and care—because they can’t be made twice.

I’d love to know what you think, and what your experiences have been, in similar situations.

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